Not every uncomfortable season means you should quit your job, end your relationship or move to another country. Sometimes you’re simply tired. Sometimes you need a holiday, a better boundary or a little time to catch your breath.
But sometimes a feeling that keeps coming back is worth listening to.
The difficult part is knowing the difference.
I’ve thought about this a lot because one of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life started with a desire I spent more than a decade trying to talk myself out of. I wanted to live overseas. Not for a holiday. Not for a few months. I wanted to build a life somewhere in Southeast Asia.
And for years, I tried to make myself stop wanting it. I prayed about it. At one point, I tried to pray it away. Then I got married. I had my first son. I built a career I genuinely enjoyed in journalism, PR and communications. There were challenging projects, interesting opportunities and plenty of reasons to stay where I was.
I traveled for a few weeks each year and got my “fix.” Maybe that would be enough, I thought. I could have the adventure without having to uproot my entire life. Because wanting to spend three weeks in Thailand is very different from moving your family to the other side of the world.
There are finances to consider. Careers. Schools. Marriage. Children. Family. The possibility that you could make the enormous leap and discover you got it completely wrong.
So I focused on other things. Easier things. Practical things. Things that didn’t require me to question the life I had built. But the dream never really went away. And that, I think, is one of the first things worth paying attention to when you’re wondering whether it’s time for a change.
Does the desire survive when life is going well?
There were plenty of times when I was happy. I was building a successful business. I had a family I loved. I had a life in Bermuda that contained many things I was grateful for.
And still, the desire remained. That doesn’t automatically mean you should act on every persistent thought. Sometimes we romanticize another life because we’re unhappy with the one we’re living.
But there is a difference between wanting to escape something and being consistently drawn toward something.
Another question I find useful is: Have you actually addressed the feeling, or have you just learned how to manage it?
Have you taken the holiday? Changed the routine? Started a new hobby? Thrown yourself into work? Told yourself to be grateful?
Those things can help. But if the same desire keeps resurfacing, perhaps it isn’t something you need to silence. Perhaps it’s something you need to understand.
I also like asking: What keeps getting pushed to the bottom of the list?
Because sometimes we know what matters to us, but it keeps losing out to what feels more responsible. The business needs attention. The children need you. The bills need paying.
Everyone else has something that seems more urgent. And eventually, years can pass.
For me, the question eventually became less about “Should I move to Southeast Asia?” and more about “What am I giving up if I never allow myself to explore this?”
That question helped me understand that the dream wasn’t simply about a location.
It represented adventure. Freedom. A different pace of life. The possibility of doing something that scared me. And eventually, in 2022, I made the move with my family.
It wasn’t easy. It didn’t magically solve everything. And I certainly didn’t arrive with my entire future figured out. But I stopped trying to convince myself that I didn’t want something I clearly did. I think that’s an important distinction.
You don’t have to act on every desire. But you should be honest about the ones that refuse to leave. Sometimes the answer will be to stay. Sometimes it will be to change something small. And sometimes, after years of questioning, you may realize that the change you’ve been avoiding is actually the one you need to explore.
The goal isn’t to blow up your life every time you feel restless. It’s to become curious enough to understand what the restlessness is telling you. Because there’s a difference between running away from your life and making room for a life you’ve been quietly longing for.
And sometimes, the first step isn’t making the change. It’s finally admitting that you want to.
